Relationship & Personal Life Difficulties | Dr Derek Mitchell, Aberdeen

Conditions treated

Relationship & Personal Life Challenges

Perhaps you find yourself repeating the same patterns in relationships, or caught in a harsh running commentary about yourself that no amount of evidence seems to shift. These are not character flaws — they are patterns with roots, and patterns can be understood and changed.

What this involves

Relationship difficulties and personal wellbeing

Difficulties in relationships — intimate partnerships, family, friendships, or professional relationships — are among the most common reasons people seek psychological support. So too are broader personal life concerns: a harsh and persistent inner critic, a persistent sense of dissatisfaction, difficulty with identity, or the feeling that life is not working in the way it should.

Clinical psychology approaches these areas from an evidence-based perspective — not offering general advice, but working to understand the specific psychological patterns at play and what needs to change. This is individual work: sessions focus on you and your experience, not the relationship as a joint entity.

This kind of work is appropriate whether difficulties are longstanding and rooted in early experience, or more situational and connected to recent events or life transitions.

Where difficulties appear to be largely centred on one specific relationship, couple or family therapy may be a more appropriate first step. Dr Mitchell does not offer these modalities directly but is happy to help identify a suitable therapist.

“Many people seek support only after a crisis. But some of the most valuable psychological work happens when someone recognises a pattern — and decides to understand it, rather than simply endure it.”

Discuss your situation with Dr Mitchell

Common concerns

What people bring to this work

People come to this work with a wide range of concerns. These often overlap — relationship difficulties and self-criticism, for instance, are rarely fully separate.

Recurring relationship patterns

Noticing the same difficulties arising across different relationships — conflict, withdrawal, fear of abandonment, difficulty with intimacy — and wanting to understand what drives them.

A harsh inner critic

A persistent, punishing internal voice that is quick to find fault and slow to offer credit. Feeling fundamentally inadequate, or measuring self-worth primarily through achievement or others’ approval.

Relationship breakdown

Processing the end of a significant relationship — including the grief, the identity disruption, and the practical and psychological adjustment involved.

Difficulty with boundaries

Struggling to assert needs, say no, or maintain appropriate limits in relationships — often driven by fear of conflict, disapproval, or abandonment.

Identity & direction

Uncertainty about who you are or what you want — particularly following significant change, or having built a life around others’ expectations rather than your own values.

Anger & emotional regulation

Difficulties managing strong emotions — including anger, shame, or intense anxiety in relational contexts — that are causing problems in relationships or at work.

Understanding the roots

Where relationship patterns come from

Our relational patterns are shaped by a combination of factors: our biology and temperament, our early psychological experiences — particularly the attachment relationships we had with caregivers and the messages we received about ourselves and others — and the broader social and relational contexts we grew up in. These influences interact, and understanding how they have combined in your particular case is a central part of the work.

The patterns that emerge from this history tend to operate largely automatically, often below awareness, and are activated most powerfully in close relationships — which is part of why they can feel so hard to shift through willpower or insight alone.

This does not mean the past determines the future. Understanding these patterns — where they came from, how they are triggered, and what function they originally served — is precisely what makes it possible to change them. Insight without change is unsatisfying; this work aims at both.

Relevant psychological frameworks include attachment theory, schema-focused approaches, and parts-based models — all of which offer evidence-based ways of understanding and working with relational and self-related difficulties.

Treatment approach

How this work proceeds

Sessions are tailored to your specific formulation — a shared, evidence-based account of what is driving your difficulties, developed collaboratively in the early stages of therapy. The formulation draws on your history, your patterns of thinking and relating, and your current circumstances, and it provides the foundation for everything that follows. Rather than applying a generic treatment protocol, the formulation shapes which approaches are most relevant to you. The following are drawn on as appropriate:

01 · Formulation

Making sense of your specific patterns

Developing a clear, shared account of what is driving the difficulties — drawing on your history, your attachment patterns, and your current relational context. This is not a diagnosis or a label; it is a working map of how your difficulties developed and what maintains them. It is the foundation for everything that follows, and it is revised as understanding deepens.

02 · Schema-Informed Work

Identifying and updating core beliefs

Identifying the core beliefs about self and others that were formed early and continue to shape current experience — and working, gradually, to update them through both cognitive and experiential means.

03 · Parts-Based Approaches

A more integrated relationship with yourself

Most people have noticed that different situations seem to bring out quite different versions of themselves — the part that wants connection, the part that pulls back to avoid hurt, the part that is harshly self-critical. Rather than treating any of these as problems to be eliminated, parts-based work explores what each is trying to do, and helps develop a more settled and compassionate relationship between them. One useful way to think about this is as an inner committee: the goal is not to silence the difficult voices, but to ensure they are no longer running the whole meeting.

04 · ACT

Values-based living

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps to clarify what matters most to you in relationships and in life — and to build the psychological flexibility to move towards those things even when fear, self-doubt, or old patterns pull in the other direction. It is particularly useful where avoidance has become a central way of managing difficult feelings, at the cost of a narrower life.

05 · Relational Skills

Practical change grounded in understanding

Where relevant, developing more effective ways of communicating, asserting needs, managing conflict, and maintaining appropriate boundaries — grounded in understanding of the underlying patterns, not as isolated techniques.

Sessions are available in person in Aberdeen or remotely. If you use BUPA, Aviva, Healix, WPA, or another major insurer, please check your policy before getting in touch.

Take the first step

You don’t have to keep living around the pattern.

An initial consultation is a confidential opportunity to talk through what you are experiencing and explore whether this kind of work feels right for you — with no obligation to proceed.

Request a consultation